What is a letter of wishes?
A letter of wishes is a personal document that accompanies your will. It provides:
- Context for your decisions
- Guidance on matters not covered in the will
- Personal messages to loved ones
- Practical information your executor needs
It’s not legally binding, but it’s incredibly helpful.
Why write one?
Your will is a legal document with formal language. It says what happens, but not why or how.
A letter of wishes fills the gaps:
| Will says | Letter explains |
|---|---|
| ”Equal shares to my children” | Why you chose equal division |
| ”I appoint Jane as executor” | How you’d like her to approach the role |
| ”Property to my son” | Whether he should keep or sell it |
| ”Guardian: my sister” | Your hopes for your children’s upbringing |
What to include
1. Explanation of decisions
Especially if anything might seem unfair or surprising:
- Why one child receives more than another
- Why someone was excluded
- Why you chose a particular executor or guardian
2. Funeral wishes
- Burial or cremation
- Service preferences (religious, non-religious, celebration of life)
- Music, readings, or specific requests
- Where you’d like ashes scattered
- Who should speak
3. Personal items distribution
Your will might leave “personal items to be divided as my executor sees fit.” Your letter can specify:
- Jewellery to particular people
- Sentimental items and their stories
- Family heirlooms and their significance
- Collections and who should receive them
4. Guardian guidance
If you’ve appointed guardians for children:
- Values you hope they’ll instil
- Education preferences
- Religious upbringing (or not)
- Extended family relationships to maintain
- Activities or traditions to continue
5. Practical information
- Where important documents are stored
- List of assets and accounts
- Digital passwords and accounts
- Professional contacts (lawyer, accountant, financial adviser)
- Insurance policies
6. Personal messages
Many people include heartfelt notes to loved ones — words they want remembered.
💡 Keep it updated: Unlike your will, you can change your letter anytime without formalities. Review it regularly.
Format and structure
There’s no required format. Options include:
Traditional letter Written as a personal letter, addressed to your executor or family.
Structured document With headings for different topics (funeral, personal items, messages, practical info).
Multiple letters Separate letters to different people — one to your executor, one to your children, one to your partner.
How to write it
1. Be clear
Don’t assume people know what you mean. Specify items, people, and intentions clearly.
2. Be honest (but kind)
If you’ve made difficult decisions, explain them. But you don’t need to be hurtful.
3. Be practical
Include information that will actually help. Where things are, who to contact, what passwords are needed.
4. Be yourself
This is your voice after you’re gone. Write as you would speak to the people you love.
Legal status
🇦🇺 In Australia: A letter of wishes is NOT legally binding. Your executor and trustees should consider it, but aren't required to follow it. If something is truly important, put it in your will.
Put in your will:
- Who receives what
- Guardian appointments
- Executor appointments
- Anything that must happen
Put in your letter:
- Explanations and context
- Guidance and wishes
- Practical information
- Personal messages
Storage
Keep your letter:
- With your will
- Somewhere your executor knows about
- In a format that won’t be lost (printed, not just on your phone)
Consider giving copies to:
- Your executor
- Your lawyer
- Trusted family members
Example sections
Opening:
“This letter is meant to accompany my will dated [date]. It contains my wishes and explanations to help those I love understand my decisions and carry them out as I intended.”
On unequal distribution:
“I’ve left a larger share to Sarah because she has ongoing health needs that will require significant support. This doesn’t mean I love my other children any less — I know they understand and have told me they support this decision.”
On personal items:
“Mum’s engagement ring should go to Emma — we’ve discussed this and it’s what Mum wanted. Dad’s watch should go to James. The photo albums should be digitised and shared with everyone.”
On guardianship:
“I’ve asked my sister Kate to be guardian. I hope she’ll raise the children with the same values we share — kindness, curiosity, and honesty. I’d love for them to continue swimming and piano. Please keep them connected to their grandparents on both sides.”
What to do next
- Write a draft — don’t aim for perfection
- Cover the key areas: decisions, funeral, personal items, practical info
- Review and refine
- Print and sign it (dating is important)
- Store it with your will
- Tell your executor it exists
- Update it when circumstances change
Related: What should my will include? · How to Choose the Right Executor